As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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