ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
