If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
