He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
