She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
