I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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