Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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