It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
