I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
