She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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