You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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