I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
