i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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