The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
