Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
