I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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