Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
