I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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