Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
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Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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