I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
