VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
