I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
