ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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