she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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