I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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