Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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