life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
