So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
