I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
