Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
