Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
