question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
