just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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