What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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