You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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