I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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