I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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