So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
