I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
