were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
