Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
