the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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