I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
