I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
