I showed him my bush... on skype.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
