He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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