So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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