Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
