someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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