This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
