dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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