I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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