Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
