Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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