put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
