Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are two peas in an std pod
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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