Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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