Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
high people should be assigned attendants
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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