You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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