So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize