we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
