make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
