Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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