She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
These tits shall not be calmed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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