Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
