last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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