Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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