:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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