Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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