i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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