508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
