I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
