thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
