he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
