I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
